Yesterday I got the news I have long been dreading. A brave, courageous 13 year old boy would not see 14. He passed away while the sun was still bright in the sky. The moments that followed were surreal. Friends and neighbors gathered on our porch trying to make sense of it, trying to put the right spin on it, doing what people do when faced with unspeakable tragedy. Meanwhile, my blood just boiled inside. I am angry. I am angry that modern medicine couldn't cure him. I am angry that there weren't more clinical trials out there for kids like him. I am angry I had to watch his brother and sister learn about terminal illness. I am angry I had to watch my dear, sweet, lovable, friend watch her son die. I am angry that my life is forever changed. Angry that his family had to fight alongside him and are now also forever changed. Angry that Pediatric Cancer seems to be a dirty word when it comes to funding. And yes, I am a little angry at God too for selfishly taking a beautiful life way to soon. So today I am angry at the world.
Tomorrow will be a new day. Another day without Gavin, but not without hope. Gavin touched the lives of many people with his illness but he touched mine long before he was sick. He was a true warrior with an infectious smile. I promised him I would fight. And I will. His passing has brought together our community and national awareness. His voice grew 10,000 times stronger with the voices that now know his story. His sacrifice will some day lead to research and then to a cure, so in essence, he will end up saving thousands of children. His name will be spoken by his friends, his number will be worn by many kids playing baseball as they crack their bats, his image will be conjured by the many parents of those kids who are relieved it was not their child that got sacrificed but whose hearts break nonetheless, and this will be passed to the many friends of those parents and so on and so on. It will motivate us to move forward, put one foot in front of the other when we race for awareness in his name. It will flow money on casino nights and other events into organizations that matter like Kyles Kamp. It will make true Heroes out of already great men like Bryce Harper. But it will also leave a hole in a family where no hole should be. And I will reconcile with God.
I see the great things to come because of Gavin and his sacrifice. But for today, I get to be angry and mad at the world because tomorrow I need to fight. Yes, Cancer sucks and now it's time to do something about it. I love you G.
Comments