"A thousand words won't bring you back, I know because I've tried; neither will a million tears, I know because I've cried."
I find myself this month in a frenzy of doing things. So worried that there is some magic number I must reach to equate to enough. This week was one of those tough tough weeks.
Tuesday was Gavin's 14th Birthday. I reacted with my usual attitude of anger that he should be here to celebrate with his family and he is not. Yes, that makes me angry. It should make every one I know and meet angry but it doesn't. I was at first perplexed by this and then I realized I was one of those people until very recently.
Monday the Rupps lost their family dog, Merlin. Now I am a HUGE dog lover. In fact, we have a black lab mix because of Merlin. But there is some irony that Merlin was put down because he had cancer and the family, rightfully so, did not want him to suffer. He was here all through Gavin's illness and losing Merlin after that enormous battle with Gavin feels like salt in the wound. But is it? The beautiful thing (and I can't take any credit for this) is that Gavin and Merlin are together. A boy and his dog. As it should be. I like to think they are playing ball in a great field somewhere. It gives me solace, it gives me peace, and it's the only way I can find any kind of answer.
Tuesday, many kids from various schools in the area wore #15, I stand up for Gavin, or iPromise15 shirts. And at the end of a long day, at 6pm, released orange balloons into the sky. A way to mark this day in celebration vs. grief. That night, myself and two other friends, supported Team Mathias at High Heeled Happy Hour. We drank, ate, and shopped. During the course of the evening we found out that Mathias, who had been in NYC to discuss treatment options, had some tests that showed more cancer/spots in his lungs and that he would have surgery on Thursday. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Again. With a steelpointed boot. All I can hear in my head is a voice screaming that cancer IS NOT rare in children. 4% funding is crap! We need more research, money, and time.
On Wednesday, I decided to commit to volunteering my weekends to Paxton Manor (Shocktober) during the next 5 weekends - yes as an actor, yes - scaring the crap out of people for a good cause in helping children while supporting families and individuals with disabilities so that they may thrive in our community (see Paxton Campus). I also sat down to outline my idea of a 365 journaling campaign, potential donor list for ipads & imovie software that I need for that campaign, and talked to a Director friend about Kickstarter as a possible step 2.
Thursday I awaited for news on how Mathias's surgery went. And I was relieved to hear that it did go well - which I know from sitting through two surgeries with the Rupps and Gavin, what that feels like (not as a parent but as a friend).
Friday. Friday I received word that I have permission to host another fundraiser. In all honestly, I don't have the energy. At least right now. That's a phone call I still have to make. I attended the staff softball game at Mill Run Elementary School. There, the staff, unveiled the name of their ball field will be henceforth known as "The Gavin Rupp Field, #15 Forever". I know this project has been very close to Paul Vickers heart - he wanted it to be the right tribute, the right moment and it was.
Saturday. After a long dress rehearsal for Shocktober, I was honored that Meg Lewis with Marriott offered up some auction weekends for the Inaugural Gavin Rupp Golf Tournament and an extra incentive for the staff at Parallel Wine Bistro in getting postcards to legislature out for more funding to support pediatric cancer research. I can't wait to see how many postcards the staff can get filled out!!! I also got a chance to finally see ALL the great vacation photos from July - the Speckhard Cottage annual Vacation. Family is so important.
and on Sunday, I rest. Not really. But it sounded like a fitting ending. Don't sit and do nothing... please, please, please do something. Anything - to just advocate.
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